This mental abuse, also known as guilt, can go on for hours, days, and sometimes even years. If a friend or family member ever spoke to us in the way that this voice does, we would probably never talk to them again…yet we do nothing to stop the internal dialogue. For some reason, we believe that this self-imposed penance is our just retribution.

Although we don’t mean to torture ourselves, it just seems to happen. Some psychologists suggest that the majority of our behavior is driven by the unconscious mind. They believe that our actions are fueled by unconscious beliefs, known as memes, that are transmitted, either verbally or by example, from one person to another. While some memes are harmless, many of them are “mind viruses” that interfere with our common sense. Most of our memes take shape in childhood and adolescence, and we rarely question them as adults. But are they true?

Delving into the past and discovering where you came from can be very gratifying. Learning about your ancestors’ beliefs, migrations, triumphs, and sufferings can broaden your awareness and give you a sense of place in the world. Given all the genealogical resources and technology available today, now is an excellent time to get to know more about your family history.

As I started doing genealogical research, I quickly realized that it was much more than just filling in the blanks on a pedigree chart. The process itself, although challenging, is a voyage of mystery and intrigue. Each relative, previously unknown and then suddenly discovered, ignites a special thrill. No less thrilling is the unveiling of records rich with details that resurrect these people in my imagination.

While we all took history classes in school, nothing makes history come alive more than when you can connect it with your own family. Finding a relative who fought in the civil war, served in politics, or simply just survived a difficult time can foster a whole new appreciation for those who came before you. From where we stand in history, it’s easy to forget the struggles and sacrifices that our ancestors made in order for us to enjoy the lives that we have today.

Every day is judgment day. It’s only natural to judge the people and circumstances that we encounter in our lives. Our brains constantly process information and make decisions. We gather data, form assumptions, and then act on those assumptions. While this may sound perfectly logical, our judgments are probably not as accurate as we think.

Most of our judgments arise from our core beliefs, which are integrated into our subconscious minds and trigger automatic reactions. These beliefs result from direct experience and from things we have been told. Many of our most steadfast core beliefs were hatched during childhood, when we were highly impressionable and required to make assumptions based upon limited experience. Our core belief system then becomes our “lens” to the world.

Since our beliefs are based upon our personal histories, they are highly subjective, yet we readily project them onto others. We do this because we subconsciously assume that what is true for us is fundamentally true. Truth, however, is not absolute. What is true for you may not be true for another and vice versa.

If you had several people walk into a courtyard from several different entrances, each person would have different view of the same setting. There isn’t any one person who would have the “correct” view. There will always be multiple perspectives on any given matter.

Our perceptions have other flaws as well. Since our core beliefs come from the past, and none of us have had a perfect past, those beliefs may be greatly distorted. Like a faulty lens, our belief system can cloud our senses to the extent that we can never really see another person for who they truly are.

Most people don’t understand the impact of their actions upon the universe. In order to grasp the “macro” view, it is helpful to use the human body as an analogy. Our bodies are made up of over 60 trillion cells. Each individual cell is “alive” and displays all of the properties of life. A cell takes in nutrients, eliminates waste, and reproduces itself.

Our cells then unite to form tissue, which unite to form organs, which unite to form a living, breathing organism. Although each human body appears to be a single entity, it is in essence made up of trillions of tiny life forms — all working in concert.

Each cell has its function and cooperates with the others to keep things running smoothly. If one cell or a group of cells decides to revolt and do its own thing, then it negatively impacts the whole and can ultimately kill the organism. A perfect example of this is the disease of cancer, where mutant cells reproduce and destroy healthy cells.

Sheep

1. Do everything you can to maintain self-control. Don’t get drawn into another person’s anger. An angry person is usually looking for a response and will do anything to lure you into battle. Don’t take the bait. Self-control takes practice, but the more you use your “self-control muscle”, the stronger it becomes, and the easier it is to remain calm when tensions are high.
2. Be fair, and keep an open mind. Let the other person speak without interruption. Make an effort to see things from their perspective. Look for areas of compromise.
3. Stick to the facts. Attack the problem, not the person.
4. Avoid negative tones that are likely to trigger hostility. This would include accusation, blame, sarcasm, and extra emphasis on certain words.
5. Use “I” centered language. Stay away from phrases like “you’re not listening to me”. Instead say things like “I don’t feel I’m being heard”. Don’t say “You make me angry”. Instead, accept responsibility for your own anger, and say “I get angry when…”
6. Be aware of your body language. Avoid dismissive or aggressive body gestures, such as shrugging, eye rolling, head shaking, heavy sighing, inattention, pointing, shaking fists, and invading personal space. Instead, speak in low tones, maintain eye contact, nod to indicate understanding, and maintain an open posture.
7. Drop your defenses. Although it may feel like you’re “under attack” when someone disagrees or insults you, this is just a trick of the mind. There is no actual danger, and defense just wastes your valuable energy. As soon as you “defend” yourself, you simply invite more conflict. Focus on resolution, rather than defense.
8. Never waste time trying to “prove” someone wrong. In some cases, you can end the conflict simply by saying “You may be right.” Many people simply want to be right. Another strategy is to just “agree to disagree”. If you need to disagree on a specific matter, preface it with the phrase, “With all due respect, I see things a little differently.”
9. Set reasonable boundaries. Let the other person know what you will and will not tolerate. You can do this in a respectful, yet assertive way. If you have an end in mind, tell the other person specifically what you want in a calm, non-threatening manner.
10. Never try to reason with someone who is extremely angry or violent. Instead, wait until things have calmed down. If necessary, take a temporary break from the conflict. For example, excuse yourself to go to the restroom. This will give things a few moments to quiet down. If the conflict is uncomfortable or dangerous, simply walk away. It is sometimes appropriate to leave conflicts unresolved or to return to them at a later time.
11. Above all, resist the urge to retaliate. If you want peace in your life, you must conduct yourself in a peaceful manner.

Guest Post by Amy Barbato

Comfort Food: the words themselves elicit nurturing feelings of contentment and joy. Inspired by several Food Network shows devoted to this topic, I found myself contemplating what it is about the concept that speaks to so many of us in similar ways. I watched as the TV cooks blissfully shared their own favorites, many of which were attached to family memories and cultural connections. From decadent mac ‘n’ cheese to wintery stews to warm, sticky toffee pudding, these recipes are often of the rich and hearty kind that stick to your ribs, while soothing your spirit.

Certainly, an abundance of only these lush foods is not what we turn to for our daily aspirations of a balanced diet and weight management. However, they remind us that food is not the enemy — its purpose is to nurture and sustain us. We’re not talking about mindless, emotional eating here. Rather, these recipes, which are often linked to memories of home and hearth, are the occasional indulgence that connects us to our heritage and feeds our soul. It was when Nigella Lawson shared her favorite, her mom’s Warmed Sugared Bread in Milk, that I saw how even the simplest, and most pedestrian of recipes, can be overflowing with love.

This brought to mind my own favorite “go-to” comfort food, my mom’s Pasta Fagioli. This is a simple, rustic, “peasant dish” of Italian heritage, consisting of olive oil, garlic, tomato sauce, white beans, and small cut pasta — topped off with fresh, grated cheese. The consistency is somewhere between a soup and a stew, or what TV cook Rachel Ray calls a “stoup”. While inexpensive and easy to make, this dish is hearty and, for me, full of home and love.

For the last 5 years, I’ve been facing a constant stream of challenges in nearly every area of my life, including finances, job loss, relationship issues, health problems, and the loss of a loved one. While I’m doing the best I can to stay afloat, there seems to be no end in sight, and I struggle to make sense of it all.

I’m a spiritual person, and I’m usually pretty good at keeping things in perspective, but I’m finding it really hard to keep the “faith”. I’m in therapy and have a good support system, but I still feel stuck.

In the face of so much challenge and chaos, how does one keep the “hope” alive and not turn into a completely faithless person? I would appreciate any thoughts you may have on this.

Thanks,
M.

Are you ready to slip on your red ruby slippers and kick off the New Year with a renewed enthusiasm for living your best life? Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, you probably have a “destination” that you’re trying to reach— goals that you want to accomplish. Maybe you dream of creating your own business, improving your health, or having more balance in your life. Perhaps you want a simpler life, one with less stress and demands. Although people often assume that “change” is difficult, it can be easier than you imagine.

First and foremost, you must believe in your own power and your ability to make positive changes. Have confidence that you can find ways to reduce your stress and better deal with everyday demands, resulting in more time and energy for the things you really want to do. The idea of believing in your own power is one of the most potent lessons from The Wizard of Oz. Just when Dorothy had given up all hope of getting home, Glinda, The Good Witch of the North, told her that she could go home by simply clicking her heels together. Dorothy had the power within her all along, and the same is true for you.

Another important strategy is to “simplify” your life, which will create more space for your dreams. The key is to identify and eliminate your “energy drains”. These are the things that routinely sap your energy, damage your health and relationships, and get in the way of your goals. What things irritate you, exhaust you, or are unreasonably time consuming? What are you “tolerating”? After determining your energy drains, take inventory of your strengths, and look for ways to leverage them. Are you resourceful, patient, flexible, or creative? Can you use these skills to eliminate or reduce the things that drain your energy?

Once you conquer your energy drains, a space will be created for clearer thinking, healthier habits, and more supportive people. When you are operating from a position of power and clarity, you will have a much better idea of what you really want. Your goal can be as simple as having one extra hour nightly to do whatever you please, or it can be as adventurous as traveling this summer throughout Europe.

Just like Dorothy, you are bound to face obstacles as you travel your path, some of which can be very formidable. Many obstacles, such as a job loss or unexpected health setback, may be out of your control. In Dorothy’s case, her biggest obstacle was The Wicked Witch of the West, who sent flying monkeys to capture her and trapped her in a poison poppy field.

However, despite these obstacles, Dorothy stayed on her path and ultimately reached her destination. To do this, she relied heavily upon the help of her support system—the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, her dog Toto, and Glinda the Good Witch. Think about the supports you have in your life. You may have a supportive spouse or friend. You may have a strong, energetic body or good job. During this time of change, it helps to notice, leverage, and be grateful for all of the things that keep you afloat and encourage you to move forward.

Why not make 2010 be the year that you dare to follow your own Yellow Brick Road? Even though the path may be difficult, it is well worth the journey. For the best chance at success, you will need to become your own Good Witch of the North. Be kind, patient, and gentle with yourself as you eliminate energy drains, focus on goals, gain courage, build a support system, and follow your dreams.

To the Mineral Nation, that has built and maintained my bones and all foundations of life experience, I thank you.

To the Plant Nation, that sustains my organs and body and gives me healing herbs for sickness, I thank you.

To the Animal Nation, that feeds me from your own flesh and offers your loyal companionship in this walk of life, I thank you.

To the Human Nation, that shares my path as a soul upon the sacred wheel of earthly life, I thank you.

To the Spirit Nation, that guides me invisibly through the ups and downs of life and for carrying the torch of light through the ages, I thank you.

To the Four Winds of Change and Growth, I thank you.

You are all my Relations, my Relatives, without whom I would not live.

We are in the circle of life together, co-existing, co-dependent, co-creating our destiny.

One, not more important than the other. One nation evolving from the other, and yet each dependent upon the one above and the one below.

All of us a part of
the Great Mystery.

Thank you for this life.

Mitakuye Oyasin (Mee-tock-way Oh-yah-sin), which comes from the Lakota Sioux Tribe, is a prayer of oneness, gratitude, and harmony. The phrase translates to “All My Relations” or “We are all related”. It is spoken during prayer and ceremony to honor and acknowledge the sacredness of all “relatives”. While, to most of us, the word relative means a blood relation in our family lineage, the Lakota definition is far more encompassing. They think, see, and feel the oneness of creation. When they say “all my relations”, they include the air, the earth, the rocks, the animals, and all human beings. To them, even a blade of grass carries a “life force” that deserves to be honored. Sit with this powerful gratitude prayer. See the truth in it. To say it is to bless and honor the sacredness of all creation. When we truly begin to understand and appreciate our connection to each other and to the universe, this creates a field of awareness which strengthens not only the person who prays but also the entire planet.

]]> http://inspiritnow.org/wordpress/2009/11/19/general/mitakuye-oyasin//feed 5 http://inspiritnow.org/wordpress/2009/11/16/general/cultivating-gratitude/ http://inspiritnow.org/wordpress/2009/11/16/general/cultivating-gratitude/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 05:59:26 +0000 Amy http://inspiritnow.org/wordpress/?p=1205 Thanksgiving isn’t only about sharing a wonderful meal with your loved ones. It’s also a time to meditate on all of the things you are grateful for.

Gratitude can be a powerfully transformative practice. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, the world’s leading expert on this topic, the practice of gratitude can drastically improve a person’s physical and emotional well-being. In his ongoing Research Project on Gratitude and Thanksgiving, he found that people who kept weekly gratitude journals had fewer physical symptoms, exercised more, slept better, and felt more positive about their lives as a whole. In fact, his findings point to gratitude as one of the strongest contributors to a deep satisfaction with life.

If you could use more gratitude in your life, here are some tips to get you started.